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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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After the rain stops, I head to the Omihachiman’s famous street market. It’s packed! I’m dodging people left and right. There’s this stall selling yakitori, and I’m like, “Yes, please!” I grab a skewer, and it’s so good, I almost cry. Like, how can grilled chicken be this amazing?

74-year-old inmate arrested over 2008 unsolved Lake Biwa murder case